Overcoming Low Self Esteem from the NLP Coaching Perspective Part 3
Interview with Tad James and Adriana James, Master Trainers of NLP, Master Trainers of Time Line Therapy® and NLP Coaching in Sydney, Australia
Overcoming Low Self Esteem
And this is how it works for all people who have a low self-esteem…. While some people….the … Donald Trumps of the world, seem to believe only the best about themselves, others seize on the most self-critical thoughts they can come up with? They fall short at every social interaction they have…. And it starts at a young age…
According to a study… at the University of Texas Up to 50 percent of adolescent girls have body image concerns “. “Up to 70 percent of girls say they would take a pill to lose five pounds; with males, it’s maybe 15 percent. And puberty moves young men toward the ideal male body image, strong and muscled and if they don’t measure up to that ideal, they suffer for the rest of their lives. 87.9% of adult people let a lack of self esteem hold them back…and this is a recent survey!!
[Also see: According to a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services task force, 80 percent of girls in grades three through six have bad feelings about their bodies. ‘….it’s normal for girls to put on 20 percent of their body weight in fat during puberty.”
Parents, June 2000 Body Image Blues by Bridget Booher
Source: http://www.empoweredparents.com/pages/research.htm ]
INTERVIEWER: So the common threat in all of this seems to be low opinion and evaluation of ..of …oneself…. Which is self-esteem again!
T: It’s all about self-esteem. Men and women equally suffer equally form the lack of self esteem. Women obsess about their expe…their appearance and feel inadequate because they don’t look like supermodels… and also feel inadequate at work, but research proves men feel the same. Being in the company of women heightens male anxieties, and sometimes even a night out with their mates doesn’t help. One in four men think they’re useless at sex, blaming movies …and ..shows such as “Sex and the City” for increasing female expectations to unrealistic levels.
Men think that other men – their bosses, for example – are much more confident than they really are and, because men are usually poor at communicating their emotions and discussing how they feel with each other, their self-esteem just withers. There is a list of aids that men use as confidence boosters – a third wear of zegarki damskie jewelry and most worrying, one in five admit to wearing “lucky” pants. (chuckles)
A: And the media, the media does not help a bit. Don’t think those chunky blokes in the D&G underwear ads haven’t had the same airbrushing as females in Vogue….’Cause they do! Every week, the papers and magazines, and many of the reality shows keep presenting to us perfect looking human bodies, men and women who look so perfect that most of us are left waaay out in the duster….We deal with a culture where we have elevated the body’s perfection to levels impossible to achieve, but this makes many of us feel inadequate and lacking this or lacking that….
T: Doctors are treating an increasing number of men under 40 for sexual dysfunction… not necessarily because they’re dysfunctional but… because the promise of having to be perfect all the time on command has made many young men feel totally inadequate and insecure….
INTERVIEWER: Ok, so…for example number of cosmetic surgery and other cosmetic procedures has increased enormously in the last 5 years. . . and it is not only women who have cosmetic procedures, the number of men has…has also increased dramatically….
T: Yes, yes, but most of the time, if the problem is a deep seated low self-esteem… If it is, cosmetic surgery cannot compensate… it will never be enough, it will never look good enough…. You can seek advice from Miami-based Dr. Andres Bustillo to know your options.
INTERVIEWER: It is worse…it is worse when people also feel “stuck” and they have no options… they…they feel trapped and they don’t know how to proceed or how to even find information about their choices…
A: You mean in careers or at work?
INTERVIEWER: Yeah, yeah, in careers, at work, or even in their family life…
A: Absolutely. How many sales people whose income is directly dependent of their number of sales miss out and limit themselves because of their low self-esteem and self-confidence? And not only that they don’t make the sales, but then because their income is reduced, the car they wanted will have to wait, the new house remains floating somewhere in an uncertain future…. or even worse, maybe never, and the vacation they wanted to take will happen… close by rather than oversees…..How many good otherwise…excellent professionals make terrible managers because of their low self-esteem and self-confidence?
INTERVIEWER: Correct! Yes!
T: How many promotions that you were supposed to get were given to somebody else because you could not muster the courage to ask for them?? And this is the problem…people have…. When they’re feeling this way, people don’t know what to do. They don’t realize that the source of their problems is connected to their own self-esteem or their own self-confidence, and so they end up blaming everybody else ….they end up jealous, frustrated and overworked and distressed and even aggressive and defensive about how low they feel about themselves….
Many people are so used to mask their feeling of inferiority and put on a face of self-assuredness
A: It’s all a face..
T: ….That they are almost disconnected to their deep source of disappointment and dissatisfaction ….but this remains inside them nevertheless unless attended to properly… Many never talk about how bad they feel inside, and so hide it forever from their family members or from their work colleagues….
INTERVIEWER: But there must be some life experiences that could signal to us that one of our problems comes from low self-esteem…
T: I think so…Yes… ask yourself if you had any of the following experiences? Have you grown us with abusive or careless parents…Have you experienced feelings of anger, depression, anxiety or emotional outbursts when later you wondered why did you react that way?
A: Have you felt a lack of self-confidence in even trying to make the kind of money you feel you deserve at work? Are you feeling worried and even fearful about your and your family safety …or afraid you can’t give your children the life you feel they deserve…
INTERVIEWER: That’s… that’s terrible…..
T: What about feeling awkward or nervous or shy in social services…and in social situations when interacting with new people… Are you afraid of speaking your mind in public… maybe you’re fearful of working your daily work tasks, such as dealing with customers at work… Or perhaps you’re feeling demotivated… and not being able to look people in the eye…
INTERVIEWER: Right, right, yeah….
A: You know… this onemay be more particular to women…. feelings of guilt or remorse without any particular reason…
INTERVIEWER: No, it happens to men too…. Maybe not so often, or maybe it is buried … maybe it’s buried deeper down… or maybe men can separate themselves better from what’s in their Unconscious Mind….
A&T: Oh, yeah….
T: Feelings of self doubt… I’m not good enough to finish that task for example… I’m extremely self confident…sorry, self conscious, worried about what others would say about you…
A: (Chuckles) You were self –confident….
T: As you can see there are so many other people and so many other causes for low self esteem. And we’ve already talked about the devastating effects they can have on your life…
INTERVIEWER: I can only imagine what it must be like to live a life having to deal all the time with issues like the ones that you just mentioned …..But then what can you do?
T: I just wanted to say,enough on the negativity ….. let’s talk about what life can be like when you have confidence in everything you do, and how you can get there a lot faster than you probably think…
INTERVIEWER: I’m going to say this right now: before I tried Time Line Therapy® nearly every single product, every single book, every single seminar…. I tried to increase my self confidence … just didn’t work…
T: this is because Time Line Therapy® is unique. There is no other technique that can do what Time Line Therapy® does….. there are many other beautiful techniques out there… old and new out there that are helpful to a certain degree, but Time Line Therapy® is the only technique that makes limiting beliefs and decisions about oneself disappear so completely that they never return! Negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors are all eliminated and here is the big thing: not only in the moment, but also from all of your past …Self-sabotaging behaviors actually disappear!
INTERVIEWER: So, what is actually Time Line Therapy®? How would you define it?
T:Time Line Therapy® is a simple, easy…natural technique….. that allows us to let go of negative emotions like anger, sadness, fear and guilt , it allows us to let go of limiting decisions like I am not good enough or…I can’t…do this…. And it allows us to create our future the way we want it. so it’s a very simple set of processes that allows us to create whatever we want in our future. And from the Time Line Therapy® point of view low self-esteem and low confidence are limiting decisions. See, there was a time before which you did not have low self-esteem. When you were a baby you did not feel bad about yourself, you did not feel less than other people, you did not feel you don’t deserve something or that you will never amount to anything… But then there came a time, when as a result of that you decided you decided that you’re not good enough …Maybe you felt terrible about yourself so…..the lack of self-esteem began from there.
INTERVIEWER: How would you—I mean, how… without giving away too much of the process, how would you assist someone to let go of those feelings of low self-esteem and all of the problems associated with it?
T: Well… there are two ways of doing this: we can do it with you during one of our weekends seminars called The Secret of Creating Your Future®. Here we do it together during the weekend. That seminar is a fun, easy and enjoyable seminar where we assist you to discover the root cause, the very first time when you made that decision to not have good self esteem, and we’ll show you how to replace it with something positive for you, something that will serve you in the present but also in the future for the rest of your lives. The only limitation for the weekend is that all we have together is two days.
A: Once you overcome your limiting beliefs, here are just a few of the many wonderful changes that you’ll begin to notice immediately… Instead of dreading each new day, you’ll wake up excited about life and how you’re going to meet all the other people, overcome the challenges of the day head on….You’ll find that you’re naturally outgoing and people want to be near you… and you’ll never worry about what others think about you…You’ll find that you connect with people on a much deeper level… and that’s gonna be effortlessly done … You’ll effortlessly meet new people and existing relationships become deeper and more rewarding than ever before… You’ll hold your head high and smile when you walk… You’ll look forward to the new adventures that every new day brings…
T: You’ll feel there’s nothing really that you can’t accomplish yourself, and you’ll find yourself highly motivated to do whatever it takes to accomplish your dreams in life…Fear of failure will be completely eliminated from your life… You will have the ability to think clearly, no matter how much pressure you’re under, and you’ll always be confident that you’ll end up coming to the right decision…
INTERVIEWER: So, even if you grow up shy ….much like myself… will you notice all feelings of shyness just disappear?
T: Absolutely, if you do the whole process fully and completely, absolutely! The easiest way is to learn how to do TLT yourself and then the moment an issue appears, you can let it go yourself. Plus you can help those around you…
A: Many people experience for the first time that their negative views on life are replaced by a new found sense of optimism… You’ll feel there’s nothing you can’t accomplish if you really want it! And you know, these are just a few of the many wonderful feelings that myself and thousands of others have experienced. When you feel confident in yourself, you’ll start to see the world in a brand new way and you’re gonna wonder…How come that I could not see this before///
INTERVIEWER: So, you experience no more unnecessary fear…
A: Well…not only that, you’ll have a newfound enthusiasm for life… The best way I can explain it is like waking up from a bad dream to find an exciting new world full of love and limitless opportunities… Finding a new you!
INTERVIEWER: This almost sounds too good to be true…. I am almost skeptical when somebody says this can fix that and it is not a struggle, it’s easy! I mean, on one hand I …. would like it to be easy but I don’t really think that it’s possible…
T: Yeah, yeah, …It is possible and not too easy…. It’s only our beliefs that we can’t do anything about it that stop us from doing that and I am not the first to tell you that. We all love to hear empowering words like “You can do it”, and “Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t you get to be right”….
INTERVIEWER: Well, according to the common beliefs in society nothing . . . nothing can ever really get rid of low self-esteem…. Unless is a bunch of pills you take for the rest of your life, to mask the symptoms and even that does not work most of the time because it does not solve the real issue….
T: The common beliefs are very narrow and restricted. It is almost like people are afraid to even try, because they tried so much in the past and they didn’t succeed…. But the ones who of us do something about it realize that it was always in our power to change it, but we did not know how and ….after they learn Time Line Therapy® it becomes …. “Of course I can!”.
It may sound too good to be true because you sit there and you prefer to believe you are condemned for life that you’re a failure or that you can’t be as you wish you could be.
INTERVIEWER: Tell us a little more about Time Line Therapy® then….
T: These are proven methods tested and verified with thousands of people. I invented Time Line Therapy® in 1986……wrote the book in 1987-88 and since 1989 I taught this seminar to literally thousands and thousands of people all over the world. This is not something that appeared yesterday as a quick fix … This method is based on tested and verified experience and it has been so successful that for the last 21 years thousands of people have used it successfully all over the world.
INTERVIEWER: Why The “Traditional” Treatments For Low Self Confidence Just Don’t Work?
A: I had a period of my life when I suffered of very low self-confidence…confidence and low self-esteem. At some point it got so bad that I knew I had to do something. First when I began searching for ways to overcome my self confidence issues, I tried pretty much everything. I had good friends …. they were psychiatrists… I tried working with them. Then, I bought literally every self help book I can get my hands on… And as nice as they are, to be honest, they were pretty much all more or less telling me the same thing: “Believe in yourself… You can do anything… Let go of the past…” Then I did affirmations…
INTERVIEWER: Such as…
A: “Everybody is being…. Is a being of love and light…, “You are loved and appreciated….” And I did this for months and months ad months…and it did not work either, because I really did not feel loved inside and …I did not feel appreciated no matter how much … no matter how much I told myself and I did tell myself that I am loved, that I am appreciated. You know, this stuff may work for other people, but it didn’t work for me.
T: The truth is, you can have someone tell you how great you are all day. You can tell yourself the same thing all day… But it doesn’t make it happen. Only after you go back in a very specific way and disconnect the root cause of your low self-esteem, all the while preserving your new found learnings, only then you will be able to let it go. But when you do, you’ll be surprised how easily it disappears.
A: Your Unconscious Mind (not only your Conscious Mind) mind has to really believe that you’re self confident, or it just won’t happen. And convincing your Unconscious Mind is something that almost no psychologist or single book can accomplish. You need Time Line Therapy®, because it works with the Conscious Mind and the Unconscious Mind together…
T: Same time….
A: Yes,at the same time. This works. It really does! This is not one single book, or a cheesy subliminal waves in your ears, or affirmations,
T: (makes waves noises)
A: Or being hypnotized, or raw, raw, raw self-convincing thing!
It is a combination of tools and techniques that work together with your Conscious Mind and your Unconscious Mind to completely change the way your Unconscious Mind perceives you and your self image.
T: Here’s the thing. Here is the thing. Every technique in Time Line Therapy® has helped thousands of people in different ways. It’s even helped where other techniques, or books or seminars didn’t work. I truly believe that by learning this powerful technique anyone can find their inner self-esteem and self- confidence and they can achieve anything they want in their life.
INTERVIEWER: Proven very effective…
T: That’s right….That’s right….
A: you know. It’s wonderful to be capable to feel confident in everything you do and live the life that you really want… Not the life others say you should! But what you really want! And what am I talking about – especially now, to have the confidence to ask for a promotion, or to start a business, or find the job of your dreams. Yes, right now, with all these economic problems!!! And succeed at it!
INTERVIEWER: Well, the Tad James Co. is been in business for over 25 years now, assisting people through seminars, trainings, video and audio programs and has a reputation of excellence that not many companies can be proud of… I know it worked for me and I know it’s gonna work for everyone else who tries it….
T: And that’s our greatest joy….. that’s our greatest joy…..
INTERVIEWER: It’s been great. Tad and Adriana thank you very much.
A: My pleasure
T: Thank you.
END of Part 2