Is This How To Get What You Want?

Is This How To Get What You Want?

Is This How To Get What You Want?


So I was thinking….

I have to admit, in a very NLP based way…

We all were at least once in a meeting (business meeting or not) where we wanted to get something and the rest of the people involved in that meeting knew we wanted that thing. You have also been in one of those occasions. Everybody has experienced this. You tried to convince these people of something and in the past your involvement with them left you with doubts regarding their approval of you and your ideas.

We all come to the crossroad where we make important choices – shall I try again? How will they react now? Will I get what I want now?

How can you construct a strategy to take care of most if not all possible variables in a context like this?

How can you be at least relatively certain that you’ll get what you deal with people whose behavior in the past makes you doubt?

It would be like saying you want to build a strategy to explain the worldwide appearance of fairies over the last one thousand years.

You’re thinking about the “prize” – that’s what you want from them. How to get your point across without appearing overbearing or overzealous? How to win a meeting without appearing argumentative or on the other hand weak and unsure?

I am thinking of a contrast.

Here is a domestic duck. I see her waddling forward, digging for whatever ducks dig for and picking at some grass. She waddles, she toddles, she wobbles and she picks at grass, aquatic plants, insects, seeds, fruit, fish, crustaceans and other types of food.

That’s how she spends her time. Picking in one place, then waddling to the next and picking some more, maybe swimming a little and picking something from the water….small satisfaction just ahead of her on the restricted trail of her life.

She may be thinking about flying with the eagles. I don’t know. But she doesn’t take the challenge. She just pushes on. She finds no other way.

The contrast is the golden eagle; one of the most outstanding fliers among eagles regarded with great mystic reverence in many cultures. Golden eagles maintain home ranges or territories that may be as large as 77 square miles. In a full stoop, a golden eagle can reach incredible speeds of up to 150 to 200 miles per hour, when diving after prey. The golden eagle is regarded as one of the two fastest moving living beings on earth. And it does not fly only with a purpose. Some flights seem to function merely as acts of playfulness.

There is for many people a tendency to judge every person (including themselves) as either gifted with talents and capabilities or not. There is also a tendency to accept one’s lot in life. (For those of you trained in NLP at Master Practitioner level, you will recognize here the thinking of Values Level 4)*.

Based on this thinking why do we have to accept our lot in life?

Because first of all it is comfortable.

Then, because it must be the only explanation. There must be a reason, a reason so big which explains completely why some were born with more talents than others. It is a resigned but comfortable view of existence. Estimate your role in the grand scheme of things, and then live it out.

In fact, many people go even one step further. They arrange (yes, arrange) their perceptions (in NLP we call this the Model Of The World) so that they come around and feedback at themselves a verification of all their cherished beliefs. And when they keep waddling along picking at some little thing here and some little thing there, they say: “See, I was right!” And now they’re more convinced that they have seen their proper role; they have found it; and now they can act the part the best way they can.

There are people who leave out everything that could prove to them the opposite: that they’re more capable than they pretend to be. They see only and precisely what is necessary for the role they assume and play faithfully every day. When they do that, they feel at home. Waddle, toddle, wobble and pick at some grass. Don’t look up at the sky. That would be confusing.

This is a good description of self-imposed mind control. Self-imposed restriction, limitation, constraints… and more. All making the person into a “poor little me”.

But at any time you can change your mind and decide differently. You don’t have to pretend you’re a golden eagle. But you don’t have to pretend you’re the domestic duck either.

You are here; you are at the place where you can make a new decision; to be what you thought your little role was, or to attempt to connect with the energy of a new you.

Until next time… Oh, I almost forgot something; good luck with your meeting!

Be well.

*NOTE: For a full description and a complete training in this system, see Values – from NLP Master Practitioner Training.


Adriana James

About the Author: Adriana James

NLP Master Trainer, Hypnosis Master Trainer and NLPCoaching Master Trainer. She is the author of the book Values And the Evolution of Consciousness - a book about how to take advantage of the massive changes which the world is going through and  Time Line Therapy® Made Easy - an introduction to Time Line Therapy® techniques easy to master by everyone. To read more about Adriana go here.

1 Comment

  1. I love this article Adriana. Thank you – your timing is perfect for me!


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