Basic NLP Coaching Principles upon Which to Build
The basic principles in the field of NLP set the stage or the context for the understanding of the body of knowledge of NLP. There are also basic principles for working with the Unconscious Mind which are taught in our trainings in the Time Line Therapy® section and also basic principles of how hypnosis works (and no it is not power over the weak mind as the Hollywood movies have shown you).
For this post I am going to refer to five basic principles (they are called presuppositions of NLP) which are fundamental for the understanding of the body of knowledge of NLP.
- Respect for the Other Person’s Model of the World.
It may surprise you to find out that not everybody thinks the way you do and that you’re not always right. They are not always right. In fact the notion of “right” becomes relative when you deal with different individuals. Of course there are basic moral considerations which are always right regardless of the circumstances (like do not steal, or do not cheat), but that aside, people have different values and different motivations which just because they are different from yours it does not mean they are wrong. Once you grasp this idea, you can let go of pointing fingers at others and notice that just because they’re different it does not mean their model of the world is wrong.
- People Are Not Their Behaviors.
Simultaneously with the previous principle described at number 1, once you understand that the behavior of one person even if it is wrong is not the person, it is just a behavior which can be corrected. Then you can allow for change to occur. This does not mean you should put up with unacceptable behaviors from other people just because you accept them for who they are. Who they are is not their behaviors, and once you get that, things begins to shift in your relationship with them.
- Everyone Is Doing The Best They Can With The Resources They Have Available. Every Behavior Is Motivated By A Positive Intent.
Every behavior? Hard to believe! And yet, here is a telling story. One of our graduates works in the correctional facility for juveniles. One young man was convicted for stabbing his girlfriend (luckily he did not wound her mortally). Once in prison our graduate asked him “For what purpose did you do this horrible action?” and he told his story. “Well” he said “she was nagging on me continuously. I left school early and I was working two jobs and brought home money to take care of her, but she was never happy. She kept badgering me and yapping at me all the time”.
“All right” our graduate continued, “but what was your purpose in stabbing her?” “To make her leave me alone, she made me feel like a low life slob”. “So you felt like that, but what was your intention in stabbing her?” “To have some quiet time.” Our graduate asked again, “And that quiet time, what would the intention in having quiet time?” “Then I could be happy and free.” “So here you are in prison when your intention was to be happy and free?”
Please notice that our graduate did not ask even once “Why did you do this behavior?” To establish the real intention behind even a terrible behavior you ask the questions described in the example above. As much as this is difficult to understand even the worst behaviors somewhere deep down have a positive intent – although most of the time this positive intent is not even conscious to the person doing the bad behavior.
- The Most Important Information about A Person Is That Person’s Behavior.
This one if understood would be an eye opener for most people. Don’t judge people based on their words but based on their behaviors. How many times have you believed what a person said to you only to notice that their behavior was completely different? One area in which this principle plays a major role, often resulting in broken hearts, is relationships. Your girl/boyfriend promised to call you and spend the weekend together only to go out partying with others.
- And Here Is One of The Most Empowering Principles. You Are In Charge Of Your Mind, And Therefore Your Results.
Most people go through life thinking they have no choice but to accept the conditions laid down for them by background, economic status, family, government, etc. In this way they don’t even try to stick their head above a certain level of mediocre achievement because they think they can’t. Once they learn and recognize that they really are in change then they reclaim the power to make changes that could lead to real transformation. The techniques contained in the body of knowledge of NLP involve the toolset based on which that transformation becomes possible.
These are only five of the principles that form the basis of NLP life coaching techniques. While you are encouraged to think differently, you become a participant in the creation of your own achievement and success. You step out of the passive observer waiting for life to deal the cards for you. You become cognizant of the scenario in which your life develops and the power you have to make the changes you want. You stop being dependent of whatever comes your way. You begin to create for yourself opportunities to make an appropriate input to situations that will change for the better the total outcome of an entire well-planned event. This could lead to many moments where the entire outcome you intend gets under your control. And that’s satisfying and rewarding.
Until next time, be well.