In part one of this article I mentioned how â€œI am not good enoughâ€ reaches most people â€“ of course at different degrees of intensity. The process is as follows: all is good and the suddenly something happens. You make a mistake or don’t react as you think you should have. You were stunned maybe shocked and taken by surprise. You had no strategies to deal with the situation in the moment. You did not know how to react. As a result you don’t feel good enough. Strong enough. Worthy enough.
This â€œI am not good enoughâ€ issue can take many different forms of expression. Many different labels (people call it differently) but fundamentally the feeling is the same.
Here are the other things you can do instantly to feel better about yourself.
- Remember There Must Always Be a Balance between Giving and Getting
This is an often overlooked point. People who suffer of â€œI am not good enoughâ€ distress often will try to buy their acceptance by giving, giving, giving until it hurts. They will try to please everybody around them all the time. Thatâ€™s impossible. Energy flows both ways and even if this is not an NLP concept, it is important enough to mention here. There must be a balance between giving and receiving (without feeling guilty or in need to give back more).
But when youâ€™re in the midst of Negative Emotions like anger, frustration, resentment, guilt, hurt, shame and the like it is very hard if not impossible to accept to be given anything. Given what? Oh, things like love, friendship, approval, help, acceptance. Things like this which you usually think you don’t deserve.
5. Recognize That Trends in Society Have Nothing to Do With You
Throughout ages the trends in society have changed tremendously. What is fashionable and â€œgoodâ€ today was bad in the past. What is considered â€œperformanceâ€ today was laughed as silly in other times.
The trends are nothing else but trends. If you let your life be defined by trends, you will never be good enough. Because trends can change several times during a personâ€™s life.
Have you made it yet? Yes you have. Acknowledge the gains you made in your life. Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? Have you grown mentally and emotionally since? Have you grown in your experience of life? Have you learned anything since? Of course you did. And this is what really matters. Anything else is superficial â€œfluffâ€. Focus on what counts.
- If You Focus on Being Perfect Youâ€™re Up For A Lost Game
â€œPerfectionâ€ is nothing more than a trend. There is no such thing. Perfection or being perfect is only what the current trend accepts. There is no such thing as universal perfection. Or if there is such a thing as universal perfection, all human beings are perfect. To believe anything else is to let your mind be manipulated by trends, dogmatic thinking, judgmentalism and righteousness. â€œI am better than youâ€ or â€œI am less than youâ€ is an example of being judgmental. Let this go. Replace it with love and compassion for all human beings. It will feel much better. Time Line Therapy® can assist you in letting go of judgment easily.
7. Trying to Hate Your Way Into Loving Yourself Is Not Going To Help
Beating yourself up for what a failure you are wonâ€™t make you any more successful. It does not even make any sense at all. It does not follow. Then what will make you more successful? Taking action to achieve what you want. Doing something on your own, on your own power. Something meaningful that requires effort. Once you do that, you will feel great about yourself. And then, others will feel less than you. But this will be their problem not yours.
Telling yourself youâ€™re not young/old, tall/short, man/woman, smart/capable enough will not change the condition. There is an old adage saying â€œGod give men the wisdom to know what I can change, what I canâ€™t change and know the differenceâ€. Know that difference and stop trying to change the unchangeable.
Youâ€™ve been given gifts and talents unique to you. What are these? First of all think of what these are. Then, make use of them and take action by implementing what you are. This will bring satisfaction and a feeling of achievement to you and thus change completely the way you feel about yourself.
Oh and one more thing: the fact that YOU ARE (IE you exist) should be good enough! Remember that!
Until next time, be well.