7 Things to Remember When You Deal With “Not Good Enough” Part 2

7 Things to Remember When You Deal With “Not Good Enough” Part 2

7 Things to Remember When You Deal With “Not Good Enough” Part 2

In part one of this article I mentioned how “I am not good enough” reaches most people – of course at different degrees of intensity. The process is as follows: all is good and the suddenly something happens. You make a mistake or don’t react as you think you should have. You were stunned maybe shocked and taken by surprise. You had no strategies to deal with the situation in the moment. You did not know how to react. As a result you don’t feel good enough. Strong enough. Worthy enough.

This “I am not good enough” issue can take many different forms of expression. Many different labels (people call it differently) but fundamentally the feeling is the same.

Here are the other things you can do instantly to feel better about yourself.

 

  1. Remember There Must Always Be a Balance between Giving and Getting

This is an often overlooked point. People who suffer of “I am not good enough” distress often will try to buy their acceptance by giving, giving, giving until it hurts. They will try to please everybody around them all the time. That’s impossible. Energy flows both ways and even if this is not an NLP concept, it is important enough to mention here. There must be a balance between giving and receiving (without feeling guilty or in need to give back more).

But when you’re in the midst of Negative Emotions like anger, frustration, resentment, guilt, hurt, shame and the like it is very hard if not impossible to accept to be given anything. Given what? Oh, things like love, friendship, approval, help, acceptance. Things like this which you usually think you don’t deserve.

 

5. Recognize That Trends in Society Have Nothing to Do With You

Throughout ages the trends in society have changed tremendously. What is fashionable and “good” today was bad in the past. What is considered “performance” today was laughed as silly in other times.

The trends are nothing else but trends. If you let your life be defined by trends, you will never be good enough. Because trends can change several times during a person’s life.

Have you made it yet? Yes you have. Acknowledge the gains you made in your life. Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? Have you grown mentally and emotionally since? Have you grown in your experience of life? Have you learned anything since? Of course you did. And this is what really matters. Anything else is superficial “fluff”. Focus on what counts.

 

  1. If You Focus on Being Perfect You’re Up For A Lost Game

“Perfection” is nothing more than a trend. There is no such thing. Perfection or being perfect is only what the current trend accepts. There is no such thing as universal perfection. Or if there is such a thing as universal perfection, all human beings are perfect. To believe anything else is to let your mind be manipulated by trends, dogmatic thinking, judgmentalism and righteousness. “I am better than you” or “I am less than you” is an example of being judgmental. Let this go. Replace it with love and compassion for all human beings. It will feel much better. Time Line Therapy® can assist you in letting go of judgment easily.

 

7. Trying to Hate Your Way Into Loving Yourself Is Not Going To Help

Beating yourself up for what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. It does not even make any sense at all. It does not follow. Then what will make you more successful? Taking action to achieve what you want. Doing something on your own, on your own power. Something meaningful that requires effort. Once you do that, you will feel great about yourself. And then, others will feel less than you. But this will be their problem not yours.

Telling yourself you’re not young/old, tall/short, man/woman, smart/capable enough will not change the condition. There is an old adage saying “God give men the wisdom to know what I can change, what I can’t change and know the difference”. Know that difference and stop trying to change the unchangeable.

You’ve been given gifts and talents unique to you. What are these? First of all think of what these are. Then, make use of them and take action by implementing what you are. This will bring satisfaction and a feeling of achievement to you and thus change completely the way you feel about yourself.

Oh and one more thing: the fact that YOU ARE (IE you exist) should be good enough! Remember that!

 

Until next time, be well.

 

Adriana James

About the Author: Adriana James

Trainer, Hypnosis Trainer and NLPCoaching Trainer. She is the author of the book Values And the Evolution of Consciousness - a book about how to take advantage of the massive changes which the world is going through and  Time Line Therapy® Made Easy - an introduction to Time Line Therapy® techniques easy to master by everyone. To read more about Adriana go here.


5 Comments

  1. I agree with the epidemic of Perfection. Bandler speaks to this often in his lectures. Our needs to be perfect are a direct correlation to our need to submit to social norm. If we just spent the time eliciting what we truly are – we could then understand what it is we truly want. Great article 🙂

  2. Danica Bortega

    Dr. Adriana,

    This article is just perfect. I am a victim of the word “Not Good Enough” it had affected me in so many ways that I started to lose my self confidence, I started to pity myself and I just wanted to give up in life. Reading this just made me realize that I am not alone in this journey. Thank you for sharing!

  3. Kylie Breva

    “Perfection” is nothing more than a trend. There is no such thing.

    This is so true, Nowadays. Everybody is just looking for an employee that is close to perfection when there is no such thing. No one is perfect. I have experienced losing a job because I was not good enough when in fact in my thoughts I knew I was good enough. It was so depressing. This article is a life saver. Now I am not afraid to face tomorrow. I will not focus on being perfect and just focus on love and compassion.

    Thank you Adriana!

  4. Jan Alfonso

    AMAZING ARTICLE!! Good Read.

  5. Chelsea Anone

    7 Things to Remember When You Deal With “Not Good Enough” Part 2

    WOW! Learned a lot from this article. I can totally relate too. While reading this article, it gives me so much hope not to give up in this life just by hearing those words “Not Good Enough”. With these tips I could go a long way. Thank you Adriana

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